How do you handle a situation you dread,? Does the thought of a social situation put butterflies in your stomach? What if you have to make a public speech or presentation? Do you make excuses and avoid situations that make you uncomfortable?
We all have situations that we would rather avoid, sometimes it’s something as simple as not wanting to sit through a family dinner next to weird old uncle Ralph or it could be something as serious as having an outpatient procedure with an uncertain outcome. The anxiety that is built up before the event can be worse that the event itself! So what can we do? We can learn a few coping skills to make our lives much easier. A few steps are all it takes to have a better perspective.
Let take the example of attending book club. Now I really enjoy book club, I love to read new and challenging things, I love to hear others peoples thoughts and opinions on the book we all just read. What I don’t love is when it’s my turn to choose the book and I have to stand up and explain why I’ve chosen this book. I avoid this night like it’s going to kill me. I make excuses, I even went so far as to schedule a small vacation on the night it was my turn. Finally, I realized that I’m going to have to learn how to get myself over this unrealistic feeling of dread. And I did, and with a few steps, you can use this tool as well.
1. Determine what it is that is really bothering you. In this case, it’s the public speaking and judgment of book club. Make sure you really hone in on the cause, I could also dread the place book club is held, the drive to get there or the time it takes up etc..
2. Now think of the worst possible scenario about the dreaded situation, and I mean worst! What horrible things could happen at my book club presentation? I could be laughed at, maybe ridiculed or insulted. I could get up in front of everyone and pass gas ! 😨 it happens. What if I trip on my chair getting up and literally fall on my face? You get the idea, think of all the really bad, I mean really bad possibilities. Make a list if it helps.
3. Now shift gears and imagine the absolute best scenario possible. What would be the best most over the top outcome imaginable for the situation? What if I get a standing ovation after my presentation? Maybe a bouquet of flowers? The book club could change its name in order to be named in my honor! You get the idea, think big and positive.
4. Now, lets think about what’s most likely to happen. These people are my friends, they too love to read and discuss books, and they are not going to ridicule me or laugh at me. I won’t fall down and if I did someone would offer me a hand up. I’m sure I won’t get accolades, or bouquets, for my book selection but I will probably get some interest and a little discussion. This is the realistic most probable outcome and it feels good.
5. Now take steps to make it happen. I would review a few books to find the best option, wear comfortable shoes so I don’t trip easy, maybe skip burritos for lunch. Be actively engaged in assuring the outcome that is most likely, will help alleviate the stress of worrying about all of the negative possibilities.
Live in the now, how are you feeling right now. Is there anything you can do to relieve your anxiety? Start with some deep breathing. Count 5 seconds in, hold, slowly release. Repeat this, counting in your mind and relax your body. Anxiety can be our friend, but it can also make us so very unhappy. Try the exercise above the next time you are faced with a situation that causes you anxiety and let me know how it helps.
No comments:
Post a Comment